A man dies and approaches the pearly gates where he encounters St. Peter.
"Ah", says St. Peter, "we've been expecting you. I'd like to let you walk through the pearly gates here, and looking through my book, I notice you've lived a good life....BUT...I see that one time, ONE TIME, you got a little angry and said the "F" word, didn't you?"
"Yes", says the man," but it was only one time."
St. Peter: "Well, I've been known to make an exception when there are extenuating circumstances."
Man: "Well, I said the "F" word when I was playing golf.."
St. Peter: "Oh, so you're a golfer, are you? Well that explains a lot. Go ahead and tell me why you said the "F" word."
Man: "Well, I was playing in a tournament, and I had a one stroke lead. As I started into my backswing for my drive on the last hole, just at the peak of my swing, I realized that I had chosen the wrong club! I had the five iron instead of the four iron..."
St. Peter: "And THAT'S when you said the "F" word?"
Man: "Well, no, as it turned out I hit the five iron shot of my life! The ball was headed straight up the fairway, when all of a sudden, a passing bird flew right into the ball's path..."
St. Peter: "You said the "F" word then, didn't you?"
Man: "Well, no, just as the bird got to the ball, it started to hook, and the bird actually helped direct the ball towards the green where it landed and started to roll towards the cup! It was rolling real well, when all of a sudden, a squirrel came onto the green and came towards my ball...
St. Peter: "The "F" word, you said it then, yes?"
Man: "Well, the squirrel actually pushed the ball towards the hole, where it stopped rolling just about 2 inches from the cup.."
St. Peter:" YOU DIDN'T MISS THE FUCKING PUTT, DID YOU??"