Don't waste time trying to populate your site with useful content

It is a futile endeavour. Pretty much everyone who is on the Internet at any particular time is searching for pornography anyway, so anything you might have to say is going to be pretty uninteresting. Those people are actually pretty happy about the whole dotcom bubble thing as (from their perspective) it has cleared out lots of useless and annoying clutter from the Internet. "Useless and annoying clutter" to these people is pretty much everything except pictures of naked people commiting acts of depravity and improbable athleticism with each other and/or assorted fruit, vegetables or electrical appliances. It is a curious perspective on life.

Avoid the temptation to make regular updates

People crave the familiar. A good website should be like an old pair of shoes. Smelly. Tattered. Dried dog-poo oozing from the grooves in the soles. Well, OK, not exactly like an old pair of shoes. The point is that people fear change. When you think you've made the site as good as your feeble mind, languid imagination and luddite technical skills will allow, leave it alone. If you go tinkering, you will only make it worse and will give your adoring public an uneasy sense of dislocation. This will lead to them slaughtering their families and establishing religious cults to worship dung-beetles. It will. The only reason this doesn't happen more often is because nobody is looking at the non-pornographic websites (see point 1 above).

Put a page-counter in a prominent location

Its not that long ago when the page counter was the last word in dynamic content. Your visitors could keep hitting "Refresh", watching agog as the counter mysteriously counted ever upwards, hypnotised by its incomprehensible digital magic. Java, Flash and their ilk are but passing fancies. It is the incomparable and enduring appeal of a well-placed page-counter will keep them coming back for more.